there's growth in all things | nonplussednonsense's Blog

It's a little after 10 and I'm listening to a hodgepodge of music. My hip and butt hurt like fuck and I'm shifting around on my couch some in order to find a sitting position that won't aggravate it. Not having much luck.

It feels like my insides are slowly being wound, and the tension from the process is slowly spreading down into my left leg and up into the left side of the middle of my back. I left work a few hours early because it was bugging me and I found it difficult to read anything. Today I decided for myself that the problem is probably some sort of sciatica thing, which, as oddly as it may sound, makes me feel better. I was thinking it was intestinal, worried I had another infection or something.

Have to call my doctor tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment soon.

Got home and got some blogging done finally on the new blog I started. We'll see how that goes.

Adjusting to being in a relationship continues to be difficult. Most people would wonder why, if it's so difficult for me to be with someone, do I continue to stay in one. Maybe I'm just not ready to admit I'm that damaged yet. Akron's so sweet and so in love with me. She tells me a thousand times a day, and I can't really fathom why she loves me so much. I love her back. I really do. But I don't love her like she loves me. I don't know if I can love anyone that way.

So, it's felt to me like splitting up is inevitable, yet as time continues to move on, I keep having to step back for a moment and realize how far we've actually made it.

Blah.

I don't know. No big thoughts or interesting stories today. Having a hard time keeping my eyes open right now.